Starting a business during a pandemic, easy right?

In March 2020, literally overnight, the beloved English language school where I'd been teaching for five years, where I'd built up most of my Brighton based community closed its doors. No leaving party, no goodbye drinks, no consolatory hugs because we didn't really understand what had happened, nor what was going to happen, there was just a feeling of ambiguity and a vague sense of terror in the air.

What ensued was months of staff meetings over zoom. Some people were teaching online, some people were furloughed, some were both; it was a mess. I think my former colleagues would agree with me when I say we went through a time of emotional 'yoyo-ing', not knowing if we had jobs, if the school would ever open again and if it did how much we'd be paid. Four months later, in July, things became clearer and the redundancy process was set in motion. I, however was the eleventh of the eleven teachers in the 'temporarily safe zone' and was invited back to work on 85% of the hourly rate I was on before the pandemic (this being on a zero hours contract). Knowing that my hours would be totally unpredictable and that 75% of my colleagues whom I cherished and admired would no longer be there, left me with a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach. Those who know me know I've oftentimes had trouble making decisions, always weighing up the pros and cons, the 'what ifs' and churning things over and over in my mind for hours, days, weeks, sometimes even months! Though I wanted to return to the language school for the sense of familiarity and nestling into the 'teaching family bosom', the little voice inside me, the one which has wanted to set up her own language teaching and translation business for a number of years kept pushing me. "Why don't you try?" it said, "maybe now is the time to go for it".

So I did. In July last year I decided to register myself as self-employed and started advertising myself as an EFL, French and Spanish tutor based in Brighton and online. I was fortunate to be employed by a company to teach a young footballer English and was encouraged by my friend to start an outdoor Spanish class on Hove lawns, next to the beach. Since then, things have gone well, less well, and somewhere in between. I have been blessed to have taught some amazing individuals and groups so far who have given me inspiration to carry on with what I'm doing. It's exciting to think I am currently teaching one to one English, French and Spanish classes and both French and Spanish group classes, whilst also having some translation projects on the go, all of which I wanted for so long.

However, I wish to be honest, hence why I decided to write this, my first blog post. I am struggling right now. Although there are handbooks on how to start and run your own business, how to be a successful freelancer, how to become a millionaire etc etc, there's no manual called "How to start your business during a global pandemic" (if I'm wrong and you are indeed the author of such a book then please send me a copy!) I am naturally a very sociable and outgoing person and sitting at home wondering what on earth a self-employed teacher does has been so hard for me. I miss contact, I miss being in a classroom full of the hubbub of the voices of students from all around the world, laughing and playing a game together or seeing the bemused look on their faces when you show them an episode of Fawlty Towers.

I spend most of my days feeling that I haven't achieved enough, I don't yet have the amount of clients I want, nor the salary I want, nor the productivity levels I want. 80% of the time I feel disappointed in myself. Some days I feel I have so many ideas that I don't know where to start and other days I have none. When these feelings arise, I try to remind myself of what I have achieved since July, the students I have had the pleasure of being connected with and teaching, the family and friends who have said they're proud of me and believe in me and this makes me feel a bit better.

So if you happen to be reading this and you are feeling a bit down on yourself at the moment and that you haven't done enough or achieved enough or you feel a bit lost, please try and see that getting through this past year has been an achievement, that accepting and adapting to the uninvited changes that have come our way is amazing in and of itself. Furthermore, if you, like me have gone solo and are working on your own from home, then hats off to you, we've taken a huge, brave step and now it's time to pat ourselves on the backs and congratulate ourselves for starting a business during a pandemic, because no one has told us how to do it, and yet here we are.